A Getaway

To my sister and my bestfriend...

This time (Thursday) last week...I was unusually missing my sis (I only told a friend of mine here about this). I asked myself why that night. Then I think it's partly because I was simply being mellow. Some parts were because I'd just submitted the Strategic Management assignment -if it wasn't because of her and my friend who had accompanied me while I was working on that bloody assignment in the last minutes, I must have panicked even more. And another part, it's because I, again, realised that I had been away from her for years. Until now, much of the talk has been through phonecalls or emails or sms.

She started working in Jakarta when I was still in high school and uni. Then when I finished my undergrad, I thought we'd be working in Jakarta together. So it should be fun. It WAS fun during my first months in Jakarta as she was still there and we went out almost every day. Yet later I found myself alone there as my sis went to Melb for her masters. So I thought we're gonna be together again in 2 years, that would be when she finished studying and came back for good. Yet the future has unfolded another story. I was scheduled to be here in less than a month after she touched down Indo.

That was then...

Today...I am terribly sorry for her, and also for Widya and Pai. The kost where they stay was destroyed by fire last night. Nothing left. I've been asking God why since last night. Call me selfish, call me cold-hearted as I'm not able to cry for the suffering of others when I don't know the persons. I know there are people out there who suffer even more, but I don't know them personally. My feeling for those people only as far as a sympathy. Nothing more. But whom I'm talking about here are my one and only sis and my bestfriend (whom, to you, are people you don't know personally either). Suddenly the whole thoughts about suffering become totally different. It becomes unfair when the bad things happen to my dearest ones. They are people I know close enough that bad things should not happen to them. I've been asking God for forgiveness as I am more into asking Him why He has allowed this to touch their lives, than thanking Him for He has not let the fire to touch their bodies. I know He must have a reason for this. I do believe in that. But I cannot imagine them having to loose most of their valuable belongings in minutes or hours. I would be devastated if I were them -suddenly I didn't have clothes to change, softlenses to keep my vision clear, things I intended to keep as souvenirs, etc. etc. There are things you can buy as long as you have some money in your pocket, but there are also many things you cannot and they're gone when they are. This is just beyond my understanding.

And this afternoon, my sis sent me an sms asking what my minus was. She said that she's buying softlenses (because hers were gone) and got a free pack of colour softlenses, and she's gonna give them to me. When I read her sms I instantly said to myself, "What on earth is she talking about? Last night she lost most of her belongings and now she's talking about colour softlenses like she's in a frenzy of a shopping spree? And now she's talking about giving something to me as if she had never lost anything?" I know it's a free package anyway, but still... This is just too much to understand.

Happy Easter!!!

I am sooooo... glad that it finally comes... The Easter break!!! What else?!?!

I've been waiting for this break for sooooo... long. I've only started this semester for 1.5 months, though. Well, it's not actually a break, it won't be. A week of not having any class at all that is. Dunno what's wrong with this semester, am so tired, so absorbed. 

I was looking at the Technical Analysis draft to see which part(s) needed editting. And I am being very lazy... Must be because of that bloody Strategic Management assignment, mostly. And a tiny part of it is because I'm getting older, hahahahahahaha... Yep, yep... I used to have only 1.5-3 hours sleep during exam period when I was still in high school and when I was an undergrad. And it was okay. I survived and still could do much the day after. But not on these days... I had a 3-hour sleep and I felt the floor was a bit shaky on the next day. When I "finished" the Strategic Management assignment and submitted yesterday...I was so relieved because it's over and because I found that I could sleep only for couple hours when I had to and still energised afterwards. Okay... my hands were a bit trembling yesterday, but that didn't bother me so much. That's why I went to the city that evening. Yet I realized that the energy that I had felt was only short euphoria as when I was heading towards Safeway, I felt like I was flying. Hmmm... Anyway...

Was raining today. Got up at 8.30 am...Quite early, isn't it? Considering that today's is a holiday. Did nothing much as I felt so tired. Had a nice evening, though... Phina threw a surprise birthday "party" for her boyfriend. It was a very nice of her, don't you think so? Well, David is also a nice guy, I reckon.

It was raining when I walked out of my place. And it's raining, again..., when we parted. Yet, I was enjoying the walk (a bit messy, though ;p), the fresh air...and a fresher mind as well. At least I was trying to give myself a short break today. I liked the fresh cold air that I breathed this evening...and I liked it when I looked up to the sky and saw the moon among the clouds. That was something that's impossible to have in Indo. And something that you don't have everyday...

rrrandommm

h i d i n g   p l a c e s
under a warm shower
among seven pillows
with a cup of latte or cappucino

b a n a n a   +   v e g e m i t e
i have never been a fan of bananas. my mom said that bananas help to reduce stress. i don't really believe it. yet i know 3 guys who like eating bananas and they are an easygoing kind of person. well, at least they more than often appear happy, relaxed, and calm enough to me. and monkeys are always in a jolly mood, bouncing from a tree to another, rite? =)
i reckoned vegemite is yuck!! i tried once in the first month I was here. people said that vegemite is really an aussie stuff. then clare (we happened to be in the same group in the tour to tasmania) taught us how to eat vegemite properly: toast the bread with margarine first, then spread a bit of vegemite afterwards. she said that people didn't like vegemite because they didn't know how to eat it, "they spread it like jam.". christy, the barista in the place where I work, also said the same thing like clare did. but then christy added that vegemite was good, it's a source of vitamin b which made you stressfree. "stressfree" is the key, the powerful word to me.
what's happening between banana and vegemite? i like them now simply because i buy into the "stress relief" thing. yes, and apparently...stress has nothing to do with food, it's on your mind and it's in your heart. btw, am i now being an aussie because i like vegemite? ha ha...you wish...

d o u b l e   u p   y o u r   t i r e d n e s s
i've been wondering lately, which one is more tiring..."to hate" someone or "to be hated" by someone. i haven't found the answer yet. but i know the level of tiredness is at least doubled when you are hating yourself.

Within 32 hours

Thank you for those who prayed for me re that exam. Yea, I did ask few friends to pray for me. I know my mom and my sis must have done that without being asked.

How did it go? Hmmm... It didn't went well. I think it turned out the way that I'd been afraid of. You know that kind of feeling? When you are not sure about a thing from the very beginning and somehow you feel it's not going right and won't be? And as you're getting more absorbed by your doubt, you're losing your energy, your self-determination, your hope, your everything? Well, hope you understand what I'm talking about as I've been losing my words since last night, when I was thinking to write some.

Could have been better, for sure. It's an open-book exam. And the questions were not that "killing" kind. They, in fact, are more generous this time as within 2 hours, we were given 15 multiple choice questions and 3 multi-parts essay questions. Last year, there were 5 multi-parts essay questions within the same duration. I can't imagine how I would have ended up if that had been the case this semester. Some students left earlier, more than half an hour earlier, I guess...I didn't really notice them until my friends told me that after the exam finished. I asked one of the "early leavers" whether they did leave earlier, and he said, "Yes, it was easy." O MI GOD... ck ck ck...

Then what happened with me yesterday? I dunno what I was thinking. I didn't really panic. But I didn't really know what I was doing either. It's like I knew that I was wrong, or I knew that I was doing it wrongly, but I had no energy to stop it from happening. It really was a stupid thing. In the last minutes, I still got about 3-4 multiple choice questions left. And you know what did I do? I answered them seriously blindly. I said "seriously blindly" because... I was supposed to circle any A, B, C, or D following my first instinct, rite? That's the most sensible thing to do in your last minutes. But you know what I did? Suppose I felt that the answer is most likely the "C", I circled the "A" for I dunno why. And for some of those last-minute questions, I didn't even remember what my answers were. AYNA!!! What are you doing?!?!

Now you know why I kept asking myself why, no matter how often I've been telling myself that I can do nothing to change that. Yea, like I said to my friend in sms...I kept telling myself that nothing I could do to change that, it's only a small tiny dot in my life that I wouldn't even remember say, in 5 years or 2 years, etc. etc. And he said, "Udah ga usah dipikirin, mendink mikir buat ke depannya seh.", "Tats life, at least u tried ur best. Dun worry next time will be better." He he...that's the thing, my friend, I didn't give my best shot for I dunno why (I think I've spent too much energy on something that I should have ignored since the start of the semester); and there won't be any next time for this subject, unless I fail it, which I don't expect. Well...To me, it's always not a matter of results. Any results will do as long as I know I've done the best I could.

Anyway...that's that...

You know what happened at the foodcourt where I work this morning? I guess being scolded was the last thing I needed after what I'd been through yesterday. Yup, Antoinette, out of the blue, told us (there were 2 of us, me and a new girl) that today would be the last time. "If you don't do the fridge properly today, then both of you will go at 1.30 and I'll do the fridge by myself." She said that yesterday she had found that the drinks had been lined up in a mess. Hellowww?!?! I don't work on Friday and I wasn't there either yesterday...I was having another battle at the other part of Melbourne at that time, which apparently not the battle against the softdrink bottles collapsing everytime I try to rearrange. Later, I found that the drinks were really messy. No wonder Antoinette was really pissed off. So who is the bloody person did the drinks on Friday and Monday???

Can I ask for release?

I do wish I could escape myself from the exam this time. I've been looking around for days, hoping for someone who can release me from this subject's exam. It's availed me nothing. Noone can "rescue" me. Noone could possibly accompany me. It's only me and Him. Have I put enough work on it?